Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
