God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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