So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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