I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
