yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
