Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
