I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
