the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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