She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
