that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
