So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
