I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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