There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
