I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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