looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
