I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
