I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
