Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Someone signed my nipple.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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