i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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