So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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