i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
