If that was your dad, he is hot
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
