what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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