I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
