it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
