You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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