I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
