I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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