I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
