I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
