Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
