I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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