Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Randomize
