im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
