They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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