I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
