it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
