My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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