We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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