When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Too much gin, very little bucket
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
two words: eviction party
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize