just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
