I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
