OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i believe in u and ur pee
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
