If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
