dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
