i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
