is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
