Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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