3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
