I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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